People tell me I'm strong. It's met with a shrug from me. Underneath my declarations of faith there is an ache. Busy days and nights I filled with the tasks of a hospital mom, daughter, friend, employee and minister. Daily conversations with doctors, insurance companies, medical bills, nurses, agencies. ect. The truth is I never even know if I'm coming or going. The truth is if I engage in a conversation with you...I'm there... but NOT there. When I say I'm great it's a declaration of faith and a statement of gratitude...
When you're left knowing all you need is an actual miracle from the God who can...it is an interesting place. I am so thankful to be put in position for it... But I was not prepared for the long suffering that accompanied it. Even more so the tears I cry for my son I can't imagine how Jesus feels when he so desperately wants to see our hearts heal and come to know him. As I plead with God over my son I've imagined Jesus with the father pleading and pardoning all our short comings (obviously is DOESN'T compare to lil ole me).
When Seth has a bad day I wake up the next as if it did not happen believing great things for the day to come and no matter what is said about Him, I believe for something different. Christ does the same with us. He's always razor focused on our every move, defending us and fighting our battles. Some of you ask Jesus "if you love me so much, why do you allow me to go through pain." How could Jesus fight for me yet there is pain? Then I look at my son whom I'm fighting for, whom I'd trade my life, my happiness anything in the world for. But, the complexities of this world put him in a season where he's suffered. As his mother it does not mean I do not love Him or that I am not fighting.
What's more powerful than Seth's situation is my love for him. MORE powerful is Christ's love for you than your situation. SEE THAT. KNOW THAT. It's more powerful than any blessing on earth. You may not see or feel him moving and that is when you have to ask yourself do you really believe He died just for you? And, was that enough?