Ramble about HIS love

Ramble about HIS love

People tell me I'm strong. It's met with a shrug from me. Underneath my declarations of faith there is an ache. Busy days and nights I filled with the tasks of a hospital mom, daughter, friend, employee and minister. Daily conversations with doctors, insurance companies, medical bills, nurses, agencies. ect. The truth is I never even know if I'm coming or going. The truth is if I engage in a conversation with you...I'm there... but NOT there. When I say I'm great it's a declaration of faith and a statement of gratitude...

When you're left knowing all you need is an actual miracle from the God who can...it is an interesting place. I am so thankful to be put in position for it... But I was not prepared for the long suffering that accompanied it. Even more so the tears I cry for my son I can't imagine how Jesus feels when he so desperately wants to see our hearts heal and come to know him. As I plead with God over my son I've imagined Jesus with the father pleading and pardoning all our short comings (obviously is DOESN'T compare to lil ole me).

When Seth has a bad day I wake up the next as if it did not happen believing great things for the day to come and no matter what is said about Him, I believe for something different. Christ does the same with us. He's always razor focused on our every move, defending us and fighting our battles. Some of you ask Jesus "if you love me so much, why do you allow me to go through pain." How could Jesus fight for me yet there is pain? Then I look at my son whom I'm fighting for, whom I'd trade my life, my happiness anything in the world for. But, the complexities of this world put him in a season where he's suffered. As his mother it does not mean I do not love Him or that I am not fighting.

What's more powerful than Seth's situation is my love for him. MORE powerful is Christ's love for you than your situation. SEE THAT. KNOW THAT. It's more powerful than any blessing on earth. You may not see or feel him moving and that is when you have to ask yourself do you really believe He died just for you? And, was that enough?

Seek First Your Kingdom?

"Seek first the kingdom of God and ALL of its righteousness" ( Mathew 6:33). We love to quote it. We also love to convince ourselves that we are walking in it. Because I love you and well... I love me, I would like to take a trip down "Examine Our Hearts Land". The word says in Corinthians, " Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves!" 

I think we genuinely would like that scripture to be true for our lives. But, many times I  think we are sorely missing the mark. It's more like " We seek first our Kingdom and 'some' of His righteousness and want all things given unto us." In true fashion we like to create grand ideas, businesses, churches, plans and lives...sprinkle some Jesus on it and call it a God thing. We obsess over our purpose when in reality we are here for God's purpose (that's an entire other post). 

I get it. I get you. You want to do great things for God. You love Him. You like Him. You also really can't stand pain, enjoy comfort and really really want to succeed. Yes, oh darn it. You are human. How dare you!?! :-) 

But listen here friend. As you examine your motives, your moves and your plans ask yourself is the SOLE purpose of your existence to seek after God, spread His word and hunger and thirst for righteousness?  Are your prayers to further His kingdom and see lost souls saved? Or are your prayers to see the "thing" he gave you succeed? We get so caught up in our talents, gifts and ways to be great that we forget what makes us GREAT. That is knowing Him. 

I find many times when talking to Christians it's more like, " I believe in God and so I want to use my gifts for Him". That's cute. But what's even better is LAYING your life down for Him. (Mathew 16:24). Laying down your life (eek you mean my cool life?), picking up your cross (woa that sounds heavy and I'd rather just piggy back off your cross Jesus) and follow Him (follow you? But before you rose you were beaten, persecuted and in TOTAL self denial). That sounds like a lot. Can we just meet Jesus at the resurrection? 

In the midst of your 10 steps to success please do not forget about the Gospel. Jesus is not a self help guru. He is Lord. He's not here to just, "make your life better". He is all that is your life. A sprinkle of Jesus may be convenient. But don't you just hate it when you get to the middle of a delicious ice cream cone and the sprinkles are gone? You can't take in a sprinkle of something that is meant  to sustain you. Jesus isn't a cool T-shirt, blog, business, hobby or after thought. He's not an addition. The scripture  says, "all of these things will be added onto you". This means that things are the addition. Not Jesus. 



Crack Don't Kill

Crack dosen't.jpg

A special nurse from my old hospital was one of the many folks whose heart was captured by my son Seth. It's often that I walk in a find a crowd of people at his bed saying things like. "He smiled at me", "Well he smiled at me twice", "I can't believe what he's been through mom", " He's so sweet", "No way he's been through what he's been through". Sometimes random strangers who work in the hospital tap me and say, " oh are you Seth's mom?! I love Seth I played with him today!"

Back to the special nurse who became another mama to Seth. With tears in her eyes this nurse rode in an ambulance to drop Seth off at his new hospital last month. She grew so worried with all the negative reports. At that time the word was, "There we're no options for life and I needed to accept that." Of course I DID NOT. This nurse watched closely. My beliefs perplexed her.

She grew to love Seth and her heart was hurting. Four months ago she received a prophetic word from my friends Nelson and William. They came to pray for Seth. We had church in the NICU that day! The nurse was blown away and in shock. She'd never had an encounter with the prophetic until then. She covered her mouth, her eyes got huge and she told the other nurses about it the next day.

Today after hearing some shocking and GOOD news about Seth, she texted me and said, "God is good. And God is God". There are stories guys. Stories upon stories. People who now believe. People who decided to believe again because of a little boy who has yet to even speak a word. At first glance Seth and I may look unfortunate or broken. You may too... I ask you to look a little closer... Dig a little deeper. Something that's broken has cracks.  I now see that my cracks aren't defects but they let light shine through. Before you were broken maybe folks could only see you. But, when you ARE broken people can see glimpses of light through those cracks. 

Let me tell you crack doesn't kill! :-) Well these kind of cracks do not. You may not realize it but your broken situation may be the answer to your prayer. It may be the influence you wanted to have for the Kingdom. I prayed over my pregnant belly for a world changer; one who would shake the world for the Kingdom of God. The impact of Sth's  life came with a pain that brought a desperation of faith. I wrote a devotional while pregnant and feared releasing  it. Satan spoke to me and said ,  "no one is going to want a book of your prayers, look how far those prayers got you?" 

But, those prayers got me exactly what I prayed for... Impact on people for the glory of God. You see, you think testimonies are all about winning. But I say to you my friend... They are about what God is able to do through you, even when you are losing. We many times wait for the breakthrough moment to share and celebrate. What is even more effective is the impact you have while others watch you in a storm. Embrace what God may be doing WHILE you hurt...while you lose. That nurse now knows God is REAL! Thank God His light shined. You're blessed while you're broken. 

Mathew 5:3-11 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    For they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
    For they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    For they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
    For they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    For they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.



Tired of talking about Forgiveness?

There's someone out there that you haven't forgiven that has sorted out their shortcomings with God. You are still holding them accountable and accusing them of what God has forgotten about them. In the meantime you may be wondering how/why they could soar when you "JUST KNOW" they are so bad or wrong. Release them, love them, pray for them and celebrate everything that God is doing in their life. His sacrifice covers EVEN what they did to you. <3


Pick Up Your Cross

We've turned God into some character to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. God is not interested in self esteem, He's interested in self denial.